Captain Chaos strikes again...

Hello my darlings,

I know it's been a while, but I am delighted to say that this is my first post from my new apartment!  The yard sale is done, the furniture and boxes moved (and most of the boxes unpacked) the new furniture delivered and the majority of crap is out of my old house.  WAHOO!  I have been incredibly busy trying to find place to cram all of the crap I moved into this tiny little apartment, but I've been able to venture out a few times to get the lay of the land.  I went out for dinner, by myself, (that is still a tough thing for me to get used to) on Monday night.  As per usual I met some very interesting people and am scheduled to meet them for brunch later this morning.  I also walked the two blocks to King Soopers to buy some groceries.  Overall, I am very pleased with my new location.  Now before you begin to think that moving to the land of hipsters made me soft let me assure you this location is definitely going to provide me a significant amount of coffee fodder.  While the average age of the residents here is likely a bit older than the apartment in RiNo, I am still quite certain that I am most likely closer to the age of the parents (some of whom I assume are actually footing the bill for the rent) of these kids.  Now I have to confess the couple of days that I've spent here have been very busy moving and unpacking, so I am unable to regale you with hipster theatrics, instead today we are going back to the past for an installment with Hurricane Grace.  

Last week was insane for me.  I was trying to finish packing, organize everything for the stupid yard sale and prepare to move.  Needless to say I didn't have time for a lot of nonsense.  Lucky for me, the clueless halfwit at Verizon who processed my account transferred didn't do it correctly, so my service was terminated.  Since Joyce is on my plan, this means that her service was also terminated.  Rather than heading to the U-Haul store to buy the additional boxes I needed to pack I had to proceed immediately to the Verizon store.  Fortunately, this visit I finally I didn't have to deal with Rupunzel, the meat-head or the dingbat that f*d it up the last time I tried to get the account changed.  This time I got a manager who actually knew what he was doing and about an hour later I once again had a fully functioning cell phone.  Later that same night I got a frantic 8PM call from Grace where she reported that the old man was not doing well, so they were coming up and wanted to stay with me.  I had already packed the bedding, so I said they could come stay, but they would need to bring their own bedding.   They arrived around 10PM with a pile of sheets, pillows and comforters.  Hooray!

Grace was very emotional, which is not really much different than most days, and overall the visit was fine.  It was actually very helpful to have Al there to help me schlep crap up from the basement and organize the garage.  Thursday afternoon, just before they left, Al brought me a check from Joyce to pay for the phone service for the next 12-months.  (I told her that I was not worried about the money, but for her own edification, she felt like she needed to pay me.  Fine I will take the money!)  At this point it seems like all is good in the world, right?  Right?   WRONG!  

Friday morning, I drove down to Denver to get my keys and move a few things into my apartment, I then ran a couple of errands (turns out shower curtains are kind of a day one requirement) and went back home to prepare for that damn yard sale.  As I was working, my cell phone rang, it was Verizon.  Grace called Verizon to report that texting was not working on Joyce's phone, she also asked to have the service transferred to her plan, so she could manage it.  WTF!  She had just been in my house, with me, for two days, they just got a check to pay me for the service and NOW, the day after they leave, two days before I have movers coming to haul my shit to Denver, is the day she decides she needs to change the plan?   Why does this shit always happen with her?  Not surprisingly, Verizon told her they cannot do anything to change the account without talking to me.  Furthermore, the Verizon security policy requires that any time there is an inquiry about an account by someone other that the account owner, and since Grace neglected to inform me about her grandiose plan, Verizon had to call me.  FANTASTIC!!!!  Now in the midst of everything else I need to do Grace expected me to drop everything and waste a couple more hours of my time trying to change the Verizon plan that I'd just, finally gotten updated four days prior.   Not happening!

I was busy, but I'm not heartless and since Joyce's phone wasn't working properly I made that the top priority.  The dude on the phone couldn't do anything because I didn't physically have the phone, so I called Joyce and asked her if I could come get her phone, so I could take it to Verizon and get it fixed.  (more about that conversation in a bit)  She said they were both sick and she was worried that they might be contagious, so she put the phone on the front step, I drove over and picked it up, went to Verizon, hung out in the Friday afternoon queue for 20-minutes, explained this phone issue and voila, 15-minutes, three reboots and a battery removal later the phone was fixed.  A little more than an hour gone from my day, I then returned her full functional phone to the front porch, called Joyce (home phone) and went back home to continue doing the shit I needed to get done.   In the meantime I also left a terse (HA! Understatement of the century) voicemail for Grace.  She called me back, hung up in tears and we have not spoken since.  I will call her eventually, but I needed a few days to get my shit done and my blood pressure back in check after this encounter.   I know it's not malicious, but seriously this woman is the MASTER of starting shit at the worst possible time!

As I'm getting the final crap out of my house I provided the lockbox code to a friend, so she could retrieve some of the stuff that she bought from me.  Since we put the lockbox on the door for the appraiser to use I had to chuckle about the description that was provided and thought I'd use this opportunity to compare and contrast where I am now.

Property description

• This 2 story home with a walkout basement is in excellent condition and boast many exceptional features. - New digs are in a five-story building that has a pool and free starbucks coffee!
• ·         4896 total square feet and 3262 finished - The new apartment is 1242 sq ft!
• ·         4 bedrooms, 3.5 baths + a study - 2 bedrooms which are about the same size as the smallest bedroom in my old house.  In fact, I think the entire living room/kitchen area is smaller than that massive master bedroom was.
• ·         Never-ending views of the front range.  The space behind the property up to the crest of the hill is owned by the HOA and will not be developed. - Cool City view and construction zone where new development is happening 7:30-4:30 Monday-Friday
• ·         Massive master bedroom with en-suite 5 piece bath and huge walk-in closet with natural light - Um, yeah, I was a spoiled brat and that massive closet was roughly the size of my new bedroom and my new walk-in closets (plural because once I unpack all of my clothes and shoes I will have filled both closets.  Sorry Joie and any other guest who wants to come stay with me, you will have to live out of a suitcase while you are here because this girl has too much shit!
• ·         Gas stove, granite tile counters, and double ovens - WAH! I am back to an electric range.  Luckily I am not cooking much these days, so it's not a huge issue.
• ·         Slate tile flooring in the laundry -  Washer and dryer are in a closet (all available space above and around them is quickly filling with other crap)
• ·         Gas fireplace - No fireplace, but tons of windows.  The natural light in this place is amazing!
• ·         A full unfinished walkout basement with expansive deck and stamped concrete patio with built in fire pit - There is a rooftop deck (I haven't been up there yet) and a pool (I've seen it, but won't likely be hanging out there other than to gather coffee fodder to keep all of you entertained.)
• ·         Water feature at front entry - Um, yeah the washer and dryer closet is near the entry, but that's not quite as cool as those bubbling boulders were.
• ·         Attached 3 car - Pfft 3-car?  This has a huge parking structure, sadly it's about a mile away from my apartment.  (full disclosure it's not a mile, but it is on the opposite side of the building, so it is a long trek through a maze of hallways.  The AFW delivery guy actually wandered around the floor for 10-minutes before knocking on my door and asking if I could help him get back to the freight elevator.  Or maybe that was just an affront to make the other guy unload all of the heavy shit from the truck)
• ·         All appliances are included, including washer/dryer, and refrigerator - YEP I still gots me some appliances!
• ·         Mineral rights included; there is a current oil lease - No mineral rights here, but I can watch construction workers out one side and punks at the skatepark out the front and in all fairness those mineral rights paid less than $100 per year.
• ·         Two furnaces, two AC units, and a whole house humidifier - It's 1200 sq ft - One furnace/AC is plenty!

My new digs are a huge change from the massive house I previously occupied, but it's cute and functional and it feels like me!  I have eight boxes left to unpack, (four of them are clothes and shoes, two are general decor that will get unpacked today after Comcast gets the jack activated on the wall behind the TV and the others are boxes of office stuff (checks and envelopes and surge protectors, etc.) that I can't figure out what to do with - there's a significant probability that I will keep a few "essential" things and schlep the rest of the box back north to my storage unit, where it will undoubtedly get thrown in the garbage a year from now)  but I am ready for guests any time, so please let me know when you want to come spend a night or a weekend in Denver with me!!!

Finally, an update on the old people!  I've heard from a number of you that you want to hear what's happening with the olds.  Sadly, nothing fun or entertaining here.  The old man is about to be older.  He turns 99-years old on Tuesday, March 14!  His memory is completely gone and getting back and forth from his chair to the bathroom twice a day (seriously, he only gets out of his chair twice a day) is becoming an increasing challenge.  These people NEED to be in an assisted living facility, but Joyce will not concede.  I haven't seen them since prior to Ray's memorial service, but after the phone debacle last week we did have a very nice phone conversation.   Joyce actually confessed when we talked that she is not emotionally ready to see or be around me, because she is still very much a wreck over the death of her son.  She is physically and emotionally exhausted, but has committed to staying by the old man's side to the end.  I think she even realizes that they should be in an assisted living facility, but she also knows that in his current mental state a move to assisted living, or anywhere,  would be a huge setback for him because he will have to figure out where he is and what is going on and she would be the one to have to help get him through that.  Being trapped in a physical body, without the memory of who you are or what you've done has to be the most cruel way to live, or more accurately, the most cruel way to wait to die.  

Remember that whole airline miles challenge from a few weeks ago.  Yeah, so I never got the form, you know the one that had to be sent via USPS and that has to be notarized.  I tried to call yesterday, but after 30-minutes on hold I got disconnected....  Additionally, on Tuesday I got a call from Fidelity.  They are now questioning my "status" because I officially declared that we were "common law" but the death certificate says "married" if they can't resolve this internally, they may require that I get an amended death certificate to claim Ray's 401K and pension.  Nevermind the fact that Ray's paperwork stated that we were married, I'm named on the paperwork and by a probate court as the sole beneficiary and the State of Colorado recognizes Common Law as an official marital status.  For some reason beyond all of that proof, the deceased benefit gods at Fidelity need to determine if I am really worthy of receiving the funds that Ray indicated (he named me as the f*ing beneficiary for crying out loud) were for me.  GAH!!!!!!  These assclowns are pissing me off!   There may be letters about this in the near future.

Until next time....

XOXO

R

PS - Since I slacked off on sending coffees this week there will likely be another tomorrow....  Spoiler alert it will include dick pics, not actual pics, but stories about dick pics.  It's been awhile since we talked about dick pics, so this should be a whole lot of fun, probably not for the faint of heart, but fun!  XOXO