Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
Hello my lovelies,
I've signed the lease, scheduled the movers, purchased the new furniture and had that scheduled for delivery, the utilities have been transferred (and the request to shut them off at my current house submitted) and internet/cable access has been initiated. I am checking items off my checklist and I am ready to go, right? WRONG! One critical little piece is missing. The apartment complex requires that I have renters insurance. OK, that should be easy. I call, I get a quote, I select the level of coverage, I even gave the agent my debit card number pay the bill up front to avoid delays. Now I have renters insurance, right? Nope! I logged in this morning "e-sign" my policy and I can't, because it was setup for Rhonda Chadwick. F*mylife! Once again I've been foiled by the damn letter H. This one is particularly irritating because in three places on the policy document my name is spelled correctly, but the one key place, where it states the policy owner, it is assigned to my damn alter-ego. I hate that bitch!
I'm sure this one will be easy to fix, but I also recently discovered that a couple of Ray's accounts that I cancelled in early February are scheduled to bill once again in early March. Again, not insurmountable, but I have to dig out my old notes and spend the hours on the phone to once again get them cancelled, for realsies this time.
This morning I fired my CPA! I've gotten a couple of recommendations from friends, but rather than waiting until early April to deal with the taxes part of my death and taxes saga, I opted to engage a semi-retired CPA that we worked with previously. We were supposed to meet this morning, but after three calls in the last hour I asked her to send me a bill for any time that she's spent, but that I would engage someone else to prepare my taxes. Call number one was to remind me to bring paperwork including last year's taxes. (um, yeah, I'm really organized and not an idiot, don't need that reminder call) The second call was to register her concern about our "marital status" and how that is going to impact the filing. I reminded her that I have a probate letter declaring me the personal representative AND rightful heir for all matters of the estate. Additionally, I have bank accounts specifically designated for the estate, so any monies that are paid to the estate are deposited into that account and I as the personal representative of the estate can designate how they are spent. (see furniture purchase above ) The third call was the straw that broke the camel's back. She called to ask me to bring taxes records back at least seven years because we might have to file amended returns for all of those years because we filed as Single, but now are claiming common law status and that it wrong and possibly illegal. She also told me to bring all of the life insurance and 401K paperwork because we probably need to change how I was "declared" for those monies since we were, in fact, not married and that I would subsequently be taxed more harshly because of that. Bitch Please! Needless to say this is the point in the conversation that I told her I would not be using her services. Clearly, she's a terrible CPA and she has some significant issues with the whole notion of common law marriage. I'm sure it will all be fine, but I have to say it adds a whole lot of additional stress and worry that I frankly don't need!
I am beginning to think that the universe is telling me something about Tuesdays. For some reason I keep encountering all of these ridiculous issues on Tuesday, which is also the day I see my therapist. Maybe it's a karmic way of telling me to figure out that mindfulness and meditation stuff, or maybe the gods just like to use Tuesday to remind me that I am a shitbag. Either way, I am once again wound up on a Tuesday just in time to show my therapist that I am still a mess! Golly gee I hope she has some other book recommendations my eyeballs have nearly stopped bleeding from the last one.
I guess now I need to call the other CPAs back to try to schedule a time in early April. Oh and I should probably check on my Craigslist postings, so I can dicker with idiots. That will do wonders for my blood pressure....The thing about Craigslist that amazes me is that people are looking to buy used furniture, but then they seem to expect that it is going to be in showroom condition. I have been amazed at some of the requests and questions that I've gotten. I am trying to keep the snark factor under control. I'm sort of succeeding, at least a little bit, some of the time..... Here is just a sampling of the requests/questions I've gotten.
In response to a King-size 4-piece Lodgepole pine bedroom set I had one woman ask me if I would be willing to donate the bed to her because she has a back injury. WTF! Does this woman realize that the critical component for a back injury is the mattress not the appearance of the bedroom set. Furthermore, I was asking $1100. Can this woman actually think that I would donate something of that value, without a tax write-off because she says she has a back injury? Probably just one more sign that I am an asshole, but I just responded by saying "No, I would not consider donating this to you"
Second person, offered me $500, which, fine, I will haggle on price, but then when I informed her that I was planning to have the mattress recycled, so she's just getting the frame, dresser and two night stands. She then chastised me that my post was false advertising and that I should buy her a mattress for that bed. I simply replied that she could have the 15-year old mattress if she really wanted it whether she bought the bed or not. Shocking, but I did not hear back from her. Weird!
Another post, regarding the leather sectional I had a woman ask me if this furniture is in a non-smoking home and if it has always been in a non-smoking home. If there are currently pets in the home, or if there were pets previously in the home. She then went on to ask if the sectional had been disinfected or if it would be disinfected before it was delivered. I wanted to just reply with "No!" and tell her she could just apply that to any of the questions she posed. Instead I said that it was a non-smoking home, that there had been pets previously, but that I didn't believe the furniture was "infected" so it most certainly would not be disinfected. Hmmmm - once again I didn't hear back from her. Can't imagine why....
By far my most favorite question posed regarding any Craigslist posting was a response to the yard sale posting. Someone asked I I would be selling any bourbon or whiskey in my yard sale. I am stumped as to who the requestor was, but I couldn't resist making my response a little snarktastic. I replied by reminding them that any bourbon or whiskey that I would part with in a yard sale would likely be some pretty terrifying hooch. That is true. If I need to resort to a yard sale to rid myself of whiskey that's got to be some pretty gut rot shit that will probably make you grow horns, out your ass. HEY! Maybe I will update my posting to inform people that I will be selling some ass-horn whiskey on Saturday, I Johnstown, that might actually attract some buyers.
I'm going to Denver on Friday morning to get my keys and sign the final paperwork. I am slowly but surely getting rid of stuff and getting the remaining bits packed to move on Sunday afternoon. Last Sunday we went furniture shopping and my friend Joie kept calling things my "big girl decisions" if she's right I might actually become a real grown-up at some point. Ha! Just kidding! Everyone knows that it NOT going to happen, but it is pretty liberating to finally be making some decisions.
Until next time....
XOXO