What the actual.... a rant about life, work and other nonsense
Hello my darlings,
It’s been ages since I’ve been here. Full confession it took me nearly 15 minutes to figure out how to log into this page to even begin writing. Maybe that’s a sign I should do this more often, or perhaps a sign that I should delete the account and move on. Meh, since my fingers are still drumming away on this keyboard I think I’ll keep going.
I’m officially in my new house! I LOVE it! I am completely at home here. I know it sounds cliché, but it honestly sort of feels like I’ve always been here, or maybe it just feels like I never leave here, mostly because I pretty much never leave here. Working from home has some advantages, but there are also some disadvantages, namely that work is always just down the hall and there is always work to do, so I end up working, a lot. I recently had a patio and pergola installed which also involved removing a window and replacing it with a sliding door. AND since I have this beautiful new patio I had to buy outdoor furniture to sit on while I enjoy the patio AND since I now have outdoor space and seating for entertaining I had to buy a grill (Traeger because seriously, go big or go home) to prepare food that could, in theory, be eaten while sitting on the patio though I didn’t buy outdoor dining furniture mostly just cocktail and chill and enjoy the sunset kind of furniture. Mostly, I’m just happy these projects are all done, so I can take a little break from spending large sums of money.
Work is good, somedays it kicks my butt, OK kind of a lot of days it kicks my butt, though I am fully aware that work is also the source of said patio, pergola, door, grill, furniture, etc., so every morning I get out of bed, stop by the coffee maker grab coffee and stumble the 20 feet down the hall to go to work. Oh, yeah, except I work for a company that prefers video conferencing, so I have to head into the closet to find something work appropriate (at least on top) and usually a quick stop in front of the mirror to make some attempt at hair and makeup, then coffee, then down the hall to work. I have to admit I do appreciate video conferencing more than I thought I would. It’s nice to see who I am talking to and I appreciate being able to see when people are confused or zoned out. That said, I find it challenging to take notes partly because I am ridiculously ADD and I forget to pay attention and partly because I do really stupid things with my mouth and face when I am typing and I don’t need to give my coworkers any more ammunition. I don’t have a poker face during my best moments, when I’m trying to think and type and still be visible on HD video it’s really not what anyone wants to see.
Speaking of HD video, seriously why do we need high-def cameras everywhere. I am looking to modernize my home office setup (aka use more than just my laptop) and this will likely require that I purchase a webcam. I took a little break from work to dance with the Amazon gods today and there are now 4K webcams for video conferencing. WHY? I assure you there is absolutely no one want to see this face in that much detail. I just glanced in a magnifying mirror the other day and nearly launched it across the store. If only Target wasn’t Disneyland for 40-something women there would have been a clean up in aisle who-the-hell-put-that-mirror-there, but I digress. Additionally, I like my audio-setup with my little Jabra puck, mostly because it has a mute button so when I am about to have verbal diarrhea about whatever stupid shit my coworker is spouting I can hit that button, place my hands in front of my face, to make it look like I’m thinking, and swear gratuitously at my PC. If I have to switch to a webcam on top of my monitor without the external mute button it’s hard to fathom what sort of verbal tirade my colleagues may be subject to while I position my mouse to mute from the screen. I can’t help but wonder if seeing me roll my eyes in 4K will add emphasis to my general level of annoyance.
While we are on the subject of video conferencing I am seriously considering hosting a course on video-conference etiquette. You all know how I love to opine about the annoying habits of others, because clearly I do not possess any such habits, and I think that video conferencing etiquette lessons would be a great place for me to share my expertise. I can’t give away all of my tips for free, but since I adore all of you I will share a few with you.
Camera position matters! If your camera is to high it makes it look like you have an abnormally large head. One such subject I’ll call “Big Head Bret” because his camera is aimed above his excessively large forehead and he often leans in very close to his monitor making me feel like I’m in the work equivalent of asteroids where I can’t decide if I should lean back to avoid being smashed by his giant forehead or pickup my cell phone and begin saying “pew, pew, pewpewpew, as I pretend to shoot the giant hollow mind-nugget before is smashes me. Full confession, I haven’t actually met this coworker in person., so it is entirely possible that it’s not his camera at all and the he really just has an absolutely enormous noggin. Oh and if your camera is too low, well lets just say a Shar Pei may be cute with all of those saggy, wrinkly chins but the rest of us, not so much.
Please mute your line! We are all working remotely and I realize not everyone has the luxury of living alone, but if you are not contributing to the conversation and your dogs are barking, your wife/husband is in the same room on a call where she/he is actually contributing or if your kid is practice piano, saxophone or OMG is that a cat being tortured in the background (true story I actually asked one day if that was a musical instrument or if there was a cat being mutilated in the background) then mute your damn line. There will be instances when things happen, but there are a lot of chronic offenders out there as well. You know who you are…
You’re on mute. Again, occasionally this happens to most people, but to the ego-maniacal jerkstore that can never seem to inactivate his mute button then has to apologize because his “mute button was stuck again'“ maybe you can just do us all a favor and get off the call or you know perhaps find a different group of people to irritate.
Camera off when driving. DUDE! We do not want to watch you driving and attempting to watch what’s happening on a video conference at the same time. Maybe just hang up and focus on that one thing. I’ll fill you in later.
Do not attempt to present from your car or the train, seriously, reschedule the meeting.
I hope this finds all of you well. I am hoping and planning to do this more. Writing really is my happy place so I can either do this which you can choose to read or ignore or become a crazy cat lady and since I don’t want to live with anything that poops in my house it looks you are officially my victims.
Until next time…
XOXO
R