Some keen observations and why I hate Home Depot

Hello my lovelies,

Have you missed me? It’s been ages since I even turned on my personal PC and even longer since I inflicted coffee crazy on all of you. Lucky for you I had a complete WTF moment a little while ago that I had to share. Oh, yeah and I have a home office setup with a fabulous view, so I’m way more inclined to sit (and stand) at my desk to write than I was when I sat hunched over my kitchen counter.

Geez, what’s been happening since I last wrote one of these. Well, my fabulous, genius boss decided that he needed a break, so he is taking a two month sabbatical then coming back into a different role. This means I get a larger role in the organization, but everything is so unstructured that it’s hurting my brain trying to figure out how to make it happen AND I didn’t actually get rid of anything in my day job. Pretty much, I’m up to my eyeballs in IT consulting craziness. I absolutely love some parts of it and I absolutely dread other parts of it, but mostly I am just trying to keep my head above water. I’ve given up on the to-do list because that thing is so long it makes me so depressed that I am functionally incapable of doing anything other than watching carpool karaoke videos on YouTube. (Pink and Lady Gaga are my faves thus far).

I can’t remember if I mentioned this previously, but I moved into a new apartment in my same building. I now have a nice big balcony, a view of Pikes Peak and a space for my swank, little office. Full disclosure my office is technically the dining room, but since my job is turning me into an anti-social recluse that pretty much subsists on bags-o-salad and boxed wine (judge me all you want) I clearly have no need for an dining room and a huge need for a home office. OK, enough whining about work, I’m sure you are all on the edge of your seat waiting to hear of these observations I teased with. Enjoy!

Observation #1 - Sports decals on cars

I truly appreciate people displaying their devotion to one or many sports teams because recent observations have me convinced that there is a direct correlation between the number of sports decals on ones car and their inability to drive. Last night, on my way home from a weekend with friends I observed a Hummer with seven different logos. Luckily I had ample time to count them because the jackwad kept changing lanes trying to get ahead and inevitably ended up behind me once again, until he spied an opening, changed lanes, raced up beside me then cut in right in front of me. True, the assclown did get one whole car ahead, until the next time he changed lanes, got stuck behind an RV (because the dumbass apparently couldn’t see the RV from the lane he was in) and ended up behind me. These antics continued for about 20 miles. As a result I am now officially boycotting the Denver Broncos, the Boston Red Sox, the Boston Bruins, the Denver Nuggets, the Dallas Cowboys, the Colorado Rockies and whatever team mascot has a strange orange bird-looking thing with a stupid hat. Yay Sports!

Observation #2 - workout wear

UGH! I know you all expect this to be yet another rant about yoga pants in public. Nope - not today! Actually, this makes me long for the days of yoga pants. Today, my workout wear issue is with the near nakedness. The gym I go to is kind of a meathead gym, but it’s cheap and really close to my apartment. There are lots of roided-up-boys with no necks that insist of dropping the damn barbell all the time. Turns out that meathead boys attract nearly naked meatheadish women. Last week I actually joked to my trainer that I wondered how embarrassed that girl was going to be when she realized that her “naked in public dream” was real-life and she was naked in the gym. I don’t get it! It’s actually really disgusting. The gym is a sweaty, grimy place. Why would any woman want her lady-parts swapping bodily fluids by sitting on gym equipment? Eeeeewwwww My other complaint about workout wear is the ridiculously short shorts. There are ass cheeks everywhere in the gym! I’ve started going to the gym at 6:15am three days a week. I really do not want to see asscheeks at 6:15 in the morning. Well, OK, pretty much never, and definitely never at the gym.

Observation #3 - ass cheeks

I may have mentioned this already, but I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO SEE ASS CHEEKS! Why the hell are shorts so short? BLECH!

Observation #4 - Things I most definitely will not like

You all know that I am a book dork! I read a lot and I like listen to audiobooks when I cook or clean oh and when I am completely lazy and just want to lie in my bed with my eyes closed and let someone read to me. You know, when normal people watch TV, I audiobook. Anyway, I go through a lot of books. I like a lot of different kinds of books. Sometimes I challenge myself and listen to business books to make me smarter (Full disclosure I suck at those and almost always return them early and opt for total trash book rather than brain builders.) I have several book tracking apps and recently I got an email from Goodreads indicating that based on my preferences they identified a new book genre I might like -- paranormal romantic comedy. What the actual fuuuuugggggg? What did I possibly put on my list that flagged me as that sort of freakshow? I don’t read paranormal anything! EVER! That is a genre I stay away from completely. Not my jam. I’ve attempted romance, but seriously that crap is just cheesy and way to fake. Sometimes it would make brain hurt trying to picture the contorted positions that the author was describing. Oh, yeah and no one in history has ever climaxed that quickly or that often. Pretty much what happened in my brain when I attempted to read a romance novel was fake, fake, fake, fake. Huh? Eeeewwwwww and what the hell was that? I still have no idea what I added to my list that flagged that genre, but I assure you that paranormal romantic comedy is definitely NOT a thing I might like.

Finally, Why I hate Home Depot…

A few years ago Ray got a Home Depot card when we bought new appliances for our house. It was a great way to get an additional discount. After Ray died, I called to cancel the Home Depot card, but somehow rather than the card being cancelled and the account closed a few weeks later Ray received a new card with an increased credit limit. Seriously, someone should have been fired. That time I didn’t even try to cancel the card. I logged on, activated the card, froze the account and shredded the card. Done, right? FMYLIFE! It pisses me off how this crap always seems to happen around milestone anniversaries. You see, on June 27, Ray would have turned 50 on July 1, I got a call from Home Depot credit card services because the new credit card they sent him was returned as undeliverable. The caller asked if Ray was available and I, in my most bitchy, impatient voice, said “Ray is dead, what do you want” Apparently, the phrase Ray is DEAD didn’t actually resonate with her, so she launched into a spiel about the card being returned as undeliverable and trying to get a current address for him. Uummm, I don’t know - Hell, perhaps? Possibly the great blue yonder, but I don’t know the zip code? Once again, as I'm on the who am I and how the f* did this become my life, roller coaster, I have Keshia from credit card services seemingly unable to comprehend that dead guys really should not be considered creditworthy. Finally, she transferred me to a supervisor and he had me email a copy of the death certificate and assured me that the account would be closed. Though, I did provide my new address as the forwarding address just in case they screw it up again.

Now that I have my new desk I will try to be better about actually writing…

Until next time…

XOXO