It's not me, it's you.... crap, maybe it IS me...
Hello my lovelies,
Do you think it’s a bad sign that even my life coach stood me up?
No really, that happened. My life coach stood me up!
I’m pretty sure that is the official sign that I’ve become such a pathetic lunatic that even the man I am PAYING TO TALK TO ME stood me up!
I agreed to hire this wonderful man and mentor to me as my life coach. He sent me a book, I read it. He sent me a link to complete a DiSC profile, I completed it. (SIDEBAR: he actually joked that I didn’t even color inside the lines on my DiSC profile. More about this below…) We conducted life coaching session #1, it went smoothly at least I thought it went smoothly. This might be a loose interpretation of what he was telling me, but I basically I think he said I am a giant a*hole, but I’m super effective at getting stuff done, so as long as I can maintain that trend I might avoid being murdered in a dark alley or something to that effect.
At the conclusion of our first session he gave me homework which included writing my eulogy and drafting my legacy, which requires writing how I think people WILL remember me and how I WANT people to remember me. It was awful, but I did it. Then at our scheduled time for session #2, nothing. At 10 past the hour I sent a text. Nothing! Holy shit, I’ve been stood-up and ghosted by my freaking life coach. Pretty much the exact same thing happened with that cute Lyft driver that I hooked up with last year, but I wasn’t paying him for his services. Full disclosure, I did pay for my initial Lyft ride, just nothing after that, but I digress. Finally, about 20-minutes after our session was scheduled to begin he texted an apology that he had a crazy day and that he had neglected to turn on the reminder on his calendar so he completely forgot about me. So fine, I guess maybe, perhaps, possibly just this one time, I’m being a bit melodramatic about being stood-up.
My rescheduled session #2 is booked one week from Monday. If he stands me up again, I will take that as confirmation that it really is ME and begin searching for a nice mental health facility to check myself into. Anyone care to join me? Maybe we can get a group discount? No judging, you know who you are and the current state of your cuppa crazy. Don’t act like I’m the only sister here that’s a little wack-a-do.
Until next time…
XOXO
PS - for those of you who don’t know what a DiSC profile is, here’s an overview…
This is how good I am at “coloring inside the lines”
“A dot’s distance from the edge of the circle shows how naturally inclined a person is to encompass the characteristics of his or her DiSC style. A dot positioned toward the edge of the circle indicates a strong inclination toward the characteristics of the style.”
Finally, I’m feeling a little out-of-sorts because I haven’t even used the word assclown in this post, so I thought I should share the “effectiveness tips” provided with the assessment.
Consider the impact of your words
Get buy-in before moving ahead
Take care to get things right the first time
My response to these inane ideas is:
Get thicker skin, seriously I don’t have the desire to stroke your ego and I don’t have the patience fuss about how you feel.
Go do your job!Right, buy-in, because we know that we’re going to do it my way, so basically just I need to perform some jedi-mind trick to make people think that doing it my way was their idea. Or maybe we could just quit wasting time and do what I said.
Get it right the first time… umm yeah, that’s why I didn’t ask how you feel about the decision and why I used my super powers to make you think that little walnut rattling around in your head came up with this spectacular idea when in reality we got it right the first time because WE DID IT MY WAY! Dammit people, it’s not that hard to understand
Humbly yours,
R
PPS - you know I am kidding about this. I am a jackass, but I’m not actually as bad as this sounds at least not all of the time…
XOXO