Loser, party of ONE...
Hello my darlings,
Full disclosure, it's Friday morning and I SHOULD be at work or at very least working from home. Turns out, I have a motivation problem today. I've searched high and low, but all semblance of motivation seems to evaporated while I slept, so I decided to declare this a mental health day and just relax. I'm going to have lunch with friends, run a couple of errands then most likely venture out for happy hour / dinner later this afternoon. Though, we'll see about that. Since it's the holiday week all of my friends in the building are out of town, so it would be, yet another, loser, party of one event. Blech!
This whole loser feeling reared her ugly head because I recently had another milestone in my new big girl life adventure. Ray would have been 49-years old on June 27. It still surprises me how much these stupid events knock me back. These silly moments in time somehow just serve reinforce that while I am incredibly driven and motivated at work, I am basically a complete and utter shitshow in my personal life!
I have no idea what I want in terms of dating and/or relationships, but I know that I need to do something to at least get out and about and meet new people. I also know that my approach thus far, one very cute, but emotionally unavailable Lyft driver is certainly not the best approach to figuring what dating looks like 20-years later. A number of friends have suggested that I try online dating. I'm toying with the idea, but I really don't think I'm cut out for the online dating world. I have a handful of friends that have successfully navigated that landscape and I have an equal number of friends that have complete horror stories and an ample supply of dick pics as a result of their online adventures. Either way, the key to testing the waters is to write a profile. Since you are all my favorite victims I thought I'd share a few profile ideas I came up with, so you can can virtually join me on this adventure.
Chubby, sassy, sarcastic, pain-in-the-ass interested in finding adventure-seeking male suitor that can actively engage (and hang) in snark-filled conversation, is interested (or at least willing) to try new and usually delicious cuisine and most-critically is willing to get off the damn couch and see what is happening in the outside world. I'm looking for more than a hook-up, but far-less than a marriage.
Likes:
- Pets -- dogs are great -- big dogs preferred! Small dogs, as long as they don't bark incessantly or bite may be tolerated, unless, of course, you've named your dog "Muffy" or "Mitzy" then both you and the yappy little purse dog are out.
- Cocktails (typically wine or beer) are a must! I certainly don't want a raging alcoholic, but I cannot deal with a judgmental teetotaler spoiling my Rose-all-day summer Sundays.
- Food -- not kidding about that chubby thing. I love food, so if you are the kind of guy that orders a cheeseburger, well-done, every time you go out to eat just keep right on swiping.
- Music -- sure, I enjoy music, on the radio! That said, if you have ever exclaimed that "music is your passion" or if you have a life long dream of being a drummer in a band then I am NOT the one you are looking for.
- Arts and Culture -- hmmmm how "artsy" are we talking. I enjoy an occasional museum and I've attended a handful of art shows, though mostly I went because I got free VIP passes to the wine a cheese reception that preceded the event. See also previous references to chubby and wine.....
- Career -- I'm a geek, I was married to a geek, I work with geeks and I'm generally attracted to geeks, however, if you can pay your bills and you like what you do then I don't really care what you do. Again, I am not looking for a marriage!
- Travel -- Have passport will travel! BUT, if you are Mr. Schedule-every-damn minute and/or if you really like tourist attractions then I'm probably not your ideal travel companion. I walked 20-miles one day in Barcelona and I thought that was an AWESOME day. If you can't hang with that then move along.
- Sports -- If you are the guy that absolutely cannot miss an NFL game on Sunday, OR if you refer to your favorite team as "we" (news flash they are not going to put you in the game even if they are up by 3000 points in the 4th quarter, so there is only THEY and not WE) get a damn life and keep on looking.
- Money -- I like having it, I'm quite adept at spending it and I am inherently generous, but my money is MY MONEY and I am not bank, so don't ask for a gift, a loan or a "spot" it's not happening.
- Politics and religion -- UNAFFILIATED on BOTH counts! Frankly, both subjects exhaust me, ironically for very similar reasons, regardless if you are looking for political debate or a spiritual sister then I am not the girl for you.
There you have it. The online profile that I think that pretty much ensures that I will NEVER have a date ever again. We haven't even met and I can already say that you are dead to me match.com!
On a separate, but very related note, I received an email from one of my favorite bloggers (we are kindred spirits, of sorts -- he wrote a book called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK!) this morning about a new course he is offering. Here's the overview.
When You Sign Up For The ‘Dating and Relationships Course’ You Will Also Learn:
3 fundamental relationship types: find out what type you are and why your type determines all of the problems and struggles you run into in your romantic relationships.
9 mindsets that can sabotage your ability to get your need for intimacy met. (You probably have at least one of them.)
The scientifically-validated theory for why you attract who you attract and what you can do to change it.
How we overestimate love and why this messes us all up.
How we overestimate sex and why this messes us all up.
The three key values to a happy and successful romantic/sex life — these can NEVER be compromised. Ever.
4 Things you need to take care of before you even start worrying about your relationships.
One “red flag” that lets you know this relationship is simply not going to work no matter what you do.
Somehow, I think I might the be student that makes him decide to stop teaching...
Until next time...
XOXO