New circus; Same damn ugly monkeys...
Hello my lovelies,
Let me begin by thanking you for the outpouring of support about the HallowConLuck conspiracy that I have been affronted with. I'm am delighted to know that you find this traumatic trifecta entertaining and that a few of you think that I deserve to be "punked!" I hope you are all taking great pleasure in laughing at my pain. I am also pleased to report that Mammogram seems to be the highest recommended procedure. Oh and thanks for the guidance that I should just completely rule out vasectomy cause the lack of boybits is a major hurdle. Hello, I understand that boybits are kind of big thing, at least figuratively, but seriously I hate potlucks!
I must admit that I realized, possibly, in some small way, I bring this crap on myself. That said this is in no way, shape or form, a confirmation that I believe I deserve to be punked. Though, now that I think about it, there may have been an instance or two, or uh, well a situation that, uummmm, OK fine I get it. The universe is punking me because I am a jackass! I generally suck at being a human and I don't even bother trying to be a grown-up. ZERO EFF's GIVEN -- I stand by my position on all of this. I don't do Halloween, ever, I don't actually even know what Comic Con is, but I promise you I don't intend to change that and I most certainly loathe potlucks.
I've had a number of you ask how the new job is going. I will assume that from the title of this post you were all able to infer that it is certainly not perfect. In fact, it's a total shitshow, but frankly I think every company in every industry is pretty much a shitshow, so it's really not that different. That said there are a few little nuggets that I couldn't resist sharing. FWIW, those of you that are worried about me oversharing with Alex on this list, since I technically work for him, well, I'm not worried, first he knows me and still recommended that they hire me and frankly that guy is so buried I don't think he even reads this crap anymore.
Here are just a few insights about the damn dirty apes that surround me in my new job!
We got a metrics summary from our change manager that proudly declared that some numbers are higher, some are lower and some are changing. Yay! Soooo actionable. Good job you.... FMYLIFE! Please know, that I nearly gave myself an aneurism trying to keep my eyes from rolling into the back of my head, but I am at least 55%, possibly 58% confident that I only rolled my eyes a little bit. Ooohh lookie, metrics! (insert eye roll)
I learned that we have a "Culture of Empowerment!" Err, well we will have that, when, or maybe if, we get permission, but we need our manager to ask his manager to ask if we can be empowered or something like that, but maybe not really empowered because that's like a lot, but maybe kind of a little bit encouraged, or probably more like suggested that we could consider doing, but only if everyone agrees. Does everyone feel good about that?
I'm sure you can all imagine just how fabulously I am fitting into this model... I love you wine! Sorry liver!
My poor manager hates me! He says that he loves my ideas, but it's becoming obvious that there is no way we are actually going to implement more than the most mundane process improvements that I put forth. At this point it seems entirely possible that the only of my process improvement recommendations that they are actually considering is moving a key meeting from Tuesday to Wednesday. Meh, that's fine! This meeting decision is largely motivated by my need to beat the hell out of something, so I "improved" the process which cleared my calendar to accommodate a Tuesday boxing class. FWIW, I will find a way to record boxing as a success in my performance review!
In all seriousness, the new job is fine. Much of the time I actually even really like it. There are a number of absolutely fantastic people and what I've seen thus far I am very impressed with the overall leadership. That said, somehow no matter how you slice it, this job, like every other, is very much another version of the same old circus with a bunch of new clowns.
I guess that means maybe this IS my circus and these ARE my monkeys, but I still plan to avoid the ugly apes and only play with the fun monkeys.
Until next time...
XOXO
PS - I received a HUGE compliment when my dear friend Finnigan thought of me when he saw AssClown Brewing at the Great American Beer Fest. Awww, I think that means I'm his favorite assclown... Somehow, seems like less of a compliment when you put it that way.