International delight...

Greetings from Barcelona,

i am thrilled to report that the flights to Barcelona were uneventful.  There was no family of dumdums, no Sir-Mix-A-Lot booty in the face moments and frankly everyone was even well dressed, so they didn't even provide me coffee fodder bitching about fashion faux pas.  In fact flying International Business Class was a pretty luxurious flying experience.   

Barcelona is beautiful!  My hotel makes me realize how spoiled I've become staying in American hotels.  The bed is only marginally softer than sleeping on concrete, the walls are only marginally more sound proof than a curtain, in fact, I just heard the man in the room next door peeing, yay me!  Furthermore, the bathroom is the size of a postage stamp and the water pressure is roughly the equivalent of drizzle.  Washing my mop is going to be quite a feat.  Oh yeah and it's humid, in case that whole coastal thing wasn't a dead-giveaway, so my hair is, and will be, quite a sight to behold.   Luckily, the benefit of traveling alone is that no one knows me and I am certain I won't ever see any of these people again, so zero F's given.  

I still don't have an agenda for this trip.  I'm just taking it moment by moment.  I spent the afternoon and evening exploring and mostly just wandering around aimlessly.  Since I'm staying in the city center there is a lot to see and do.  Earlier this week I said that my agenda was walking, tapas and wine, followed by more walking, more tapas and more wine.  My first afternoon was walking, tapas and wine, followed by more walking, paella and Sangria.  Not quite the plan I indicated, but I can't imagine anyone is too surprised with that trajectory.   Tomorrow, ok technically later today, since it's currently 2am local time, I'm doing a hop on/hop off bus tour.  I figured that would be an easy way to see the entire city.  The bartender where I enjoyed my tapas and wine marked up my map to help me venture off the beaten path a bit, while taking advantage of the cheap transportation around the city.  

Well, I am actually yawning now, so hopefully that's a sign that I might be able to go back to sleep.  More to come soon....

Take me out to the ballgame, or maybe not...

Hello my lovelies,

At the risk of appearing as if I am trying to replace the normal coffee snark lamenting about manners, I am once again going to bitch about ridiculous behavior.  For the last 12-15 years Ray and I bought five Rockies games from a friend that has season tickets.  I was planning to exit this year, but then I moved 5-blocks from Coors Field and figured I should go ahead and get the tickets.  There is a group of people that buy into the tickets, so every year there is a drawing to pick games.  The first game I got was Monday night.  Now please understand that I am most certainly not a rabid baseball fan, but I am an avid people-watcher/gawker and going to games can provide some excellent coffee fodder.  Monday's game was no exception.

I invited Bill Townsend (often referred to a F*ing Townsend by those who know him well) to join me for the game.  We ate amazing empanadas prior to the game (lazofoods.com at 22nd and Market) then went to the stadium.  The season tickets are really great seats 29 rows up behind home plate, but sadly last night, the baseball commentator behind us made the seats far less desirable.  For starters, the guy was a really loud talker, as is common with blowhards like him, he knew everything about every player, every pitch and was more capable than the actual batters (at least in his little mind).  Gah!  Shut the F* up!!!!!!!

His first offense is really just a pet peeve of mine; he called every player by his first name.  Now I know that probably makes me sound stuffy and old-fashioned, but if you don't actually know someone then you don't really have the right to call him by his first name.  Moreover, screaming his first name when he's at bat isn't going to make him change anything about his swing, his stance or the actual trajectory of the ball.  It is, however, going to annoy the shit out of the snarky bitch seated in front of you and cause me to bitch about it all night and blog about it the next day.  

The penultimate moment of the evening, and the thing that sealed this guy as d*bag of the day was in the top of the 8th inning when he returned from retrieving the last, ridiculously over-priced, beer he could purchase in the stadium and proceeded to spill it on the back of my head, down my back and on Townsend.  With this tangled mop of curls I hate going to bed with wet hair, but I hate going to bed wreaking of beer even more, so.......

I'm writing this at the airport as I am embarking on my solo adventure to Barcelona.  Expect much more of this nonsense in the coming days....

Until next time....

XOXO
 

Saving Dumbo?

Hello my darlings,

I've had an absolutely fabulous week!  I officially hosted my first party, a happy hour with some good friends from IHS, in my cute little apartment.  As usual I made too much food, but it was delicious.  The logistics of hauling raw meat down three flights of stairs to the community grill and cooking it to a state of rare enough that it could rest for upwards of an hour, but done enough that it could quickly be finished on the stovetop as necessary, made preparing this meat exceptionally interesting.  (Sidebar:  I HATE cooking on an electric range.  Cooking with gas is, and always will be, far superior!)  In spite of the challenge, I am proud to say that I nailed it!  There was no "finishing" required.  Both the beef and pork cooked perfectly.  The other logistical challenge was running down the hall to open the garage door and escort people through the hallway maze as my guest arrived.  Huge thanks to Alex for allowing me to kick him off the elevator at my floor and bark orders for him to taste and season my food while I go collect additional guests from the parking garage.  Luckily after years of working together he knows what a bossy bitch I am.  He might even appreciate....OK that's probably a stretch.  It was a great evening!  I love hosting parties and it was absolutely fabulous to be able to share good food and great beer with amazing friends in my new little home.  

I do have one minor concern, aside from the overly entitled shitbag children that live all around me that I've ranted about previously, with my apartment building.  The first couple of weeks I didn't hear anything from the apartment above me, but in the last couple of weeks I've grown concerned that they may have kidnapped and be holding a baby elephant captive above me.  Seriously, I am startled sometimes about how heavy the footsteps above me are.  I have no idea who lives in that apartment, but they walk very quickly, with the loudest footsteps that I've ever heard.  Yeah, yeah, I know I've bitched numerous times about the little punk ass kids that shuffle along and they need to pick up their damn feet, well, this is the opposite problem.  Since I'm still gainfully unemployed I have ample time to ponder my Operation Saving Dumbo strategy.  I've considered befriending the person that lives in apartment 507 and suggesting that we launch a self-taught STOMP group in his/her apartment, but I'm concerned that the residents of 407 would want to join in thus making life for me in 307 even more hellish.  Another option, I  could employ the whole broom handle on my ceiling strategy, but I think that would just make me look and sound like the proverbial asshat old lady shouting at children to "get off my lawn!"  Even though I'm not planning to become super besties with the hipsters around me, I am trying to avoid the curmudgeonly, crazy old lady vibe.  I supposed there is a less passive-aggressive option that involves actually knocking on the door of 407 and having a conversation, but seriously passive-aggressively strategizing nonsensical solutions or making up stories about captive baby elephants is way more fun.  Frankly, I've come to accept that stompy neighbors are part of the reality of apartment life and at least I'm not listening to screaming, moaning or squeaky beds, so it could be worse!

My last bit of exciting news is that yesterday I booked a trip to Barcelona!  I'm leaving on Tuesday and will be home the following Tuesday.  This will be my first major international trip to a non-english speaking country by myself.  In fact, this is my first major, non-work related, trip by myself.  I'd love to say that I exude confidence about my ability to navigate my way around, but that would be a lie.  Frankly, I'm scared shitless!  You might be asking why Barcelona?   Honestly, I don't know.  Shortly after Ray's memorial service the idea of going to Barcelona popped into my head and I haven't been able to shake the idea.  With no job I have plenty of time and I can afford to go, so yesterday I decided to act! 

I've also booked a trip to Vegas (YES, I still HATE Vegas) shortly after I get back.  I'm going with Joie to chaperon her, while she chaperons her son and his girlfriend as they celebrate his 21st birthday.   I am planning to chronicle both trips via coffee, so you should have numerous updates in the coming weeks.  BTW - For the Barcelona trip I upgraded myself to Business Class as to not endure 10-hours of the horrors of the recent NOLA flight, but I'm sure there will be plenty of other entertainment for me to share.  

Until next time....

XOXO

PS - If any of you have suggestions of things I should see or do in Barcelona please let me.  Thus far my agenda involves Tapas, Wine and walking, oh and possibly a Ryanair flight to Fes, Morocco because seriously, why not!

Guess what.... I still suck as a human being!

Hello my lovelies,

As you are all well aware now that I am out of my house and settled in my new little apartment I am officially looking for a job.  More accurately I am officially engaging recruiters to help find a great job for me.  I have a few great leads, including one company that is working to create a brand new position for me, so I am confident I will land something soon.  The downside of this strategy is that I am getting a lot of hits from a lot of recruiters a few that I question how reputable they are and a handful that I am fairly certain are scams.  

I mean, it's probably totally legit that an international cruise line, that can't disclose the actual company name, wants to pay me $150/hr + travel expenses for a release management role in Miami, but they need me to start next week.   According to the bit I was able to understand, from the Indian recruiter that called me, they are so impressed with my resume that they don't need to interview me.  I will have to pay for my first trip to Miami, then once all the paperwork is done they will reimburse me. Great, my bags are packed.....  WTF!  I tried to remain polite and tell him that I am only considering opportunities in the Denver metro area at this time, but when he got belligerent I finally just told him that I was not interested in his scam and to remove me from his list.   I mean seriously, with this mop of naturally curly (read frizzy) hair in the Miami humidity, $150/hr won't begin to cover the amount of product it would require for me to not look like an electrocuted poodle on a meth bender.

I also got a linkedin hit from a recruiter based in Detroit for a role in the Denver Tech Center.  It's a Change Management role, but much more organizational change management focused than the IT Change Management that I have on my resume.  I told the recruiter that I was confident in my ability to do the job outlined in the job description, but that I assumed the client would be looking for someone with more specific OCM experience.  He insisted that he liked my resume and that he and his account manager would like to talk with me to see if I would be a good fit.  Fine!  I'm unemployed, I can spare 30-minutes to chat with these guys.  I won't go into the details other than to say, I wasn't overly impressed with either of them, but somehow they both seemed very impressed by me.  We concluded the call with the account manager saying that he thinks this company absolutely needs to talk with me and he also indicated that based on my experience they could actually pay me $20/hr more than they indicated at the beginning of the call.  Really?   That doesn't seem fishy at all...  WTF!  A few minutes later the recruiter called back to tell me that they both think I am "fucking awesome" and that they are "committed to getting me on their team."  Rah!  Rah!  Everything about this whole interaction was completely bizarre, so in true Ronda-fashion, rather than being a polite professional, I simply said that I couldn't disagree about that awesomeness and for him to let me know what the client says and I hung up.  A few minutes later I checked my email and I had a note from him that in order to submit my resume they would need my birthday.  Huh?  I told him I would prefer to not provide that information that this point, but would be happy to provide all of the necessary detail if and when the client wants to proceed with an offer.   At that point he said he would just note my birthday as 01/01 to submit my resume, then we can update it later if necessary.   Did I mention the whole thing was bizarre?  Seriously?  

My other experience this week, completely not job related, is that I got harassed by a homeless dude on Monday afternoon.   I walked downtown for an appointment and as I was walking back I saw a shaggy man, on the sidewalk side beside a patio, swig the last bit of backwash/beer that a couple had just left on the patio table, as he did that he dropped the newspaper and the dog leash that he was holding in his other hand.  Instinctively, I couldn't let the dog wander into traffic, so I grabbed the leash and tapped the man on the shoulder to hand it back to him.  He seemed very grateful and polite initially, but then he wouldn't leave me alone.  When we got to the corner I was trying to ignore him and wait for the traffic to stop, so I could extricate myself from his presence.  As I was waiting to cross he was still talking beside me and I was trying to move closer to the only other person (it was a scrawny little dude wearing skinny jeans with his underwear showing and music thumping from his beats headphones - clearly not my best friend) waiting to cross at which point the bummer pushed my arm (please note he didn't shove me, he just sort of a nudge me on the arm) and said, "I know you have money in that purse, why don't you give me some money so I can feed my dog."  Thankfully, at that moment the light changed and I was able to quickly get across the street.  It was the middle of the afternoon, so it wasn't a big deal, but it certainly made me realize that I need to be much more aware and probably less polite.  HA! It's not often that I get accused of being too nice.

Until next time....

XOXO

Let's get ruley, shall we....

Hello my lovelies,

It's official!  I have become a curmudgeonly old woman!  WOW!  With my attitude and my smart mouth, this is going to be a dream.  

Living in the land of the uber stylish 20-somethings has me frequently summoning the Sesame Street song "One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others."   Seriously, there are things that these kids do that I just do not understand.  Here are a few of the "crimes" I've witnessed this week. 

1. Garbage left in the hallway.  This is an apartment building, there is a garbage chute near the parking garage.  When you need to take out the garbage, you put on your shoes (and pants if you weren't already wearing them) and you walk your happy ass to the parking garage, open the door and drop the bag down the chute.  It's not exactly convenient, but it's also not rocket science.  For some reason the dipshits down the hall from me think they can just leave a bag of stinking garbage, oozing some sort of goo from asian food containers, in the hallway.  WTF!  It took all of my energy to not beat down the door, grab the poor unsuspecting shitbag by the nape of the neck and drag him and his bag of garbage down the hallway.  
2. Dog poop!  With the rain, I realize it's not actually very pleasant to walk your dog outside, but too bad.   If you have a dog and you live in an apartment you really don't have any other option.  I stand corrected, apparently, these assclowns think they do have another option.  In the last two drizzly days I've seen poop in the hall, poop and pee on the stairs heading out of the building and poop on the floor leading to the aforementioned, garbage chute.  WTF!  I realize that sometime doggie duty calls a little more expeditiously than you were expecting.  If and when such a situation arises, it is imperative that you immediately clean it up.  Earlier this week I was noticing how the area around the building wreaks of urine, if these little jackasses don't start cleaning up after their pets this whole building is going to be a giant smelly nightmare.  
3. Parking.  First, I am delighted to report that I have not driven my car since March 21.  I've been out and about a lot, but all of my ventures have been executed on foot or via light rail.  That said, this morning I went to my car to see if an item that I thought I'd moved down here was, by chance, still in my car.  It wasn't, but when I walk into the garage I notice that there are several spaces where no one can park because the car in the adjacent space is parked so badly.   This is a pet peeve of mine anywhere, but especially in a shared garage.  I realize that there are some vehicles that are not necessarily easy to park in these small spaces.  In my opinion if you drive one of these vehicles you either have to park away from everyone else (in this case that would be the top of the garage) or you have to learn how to park your damn car.  The offenders in my parking garage were not big trucks and SUV's that are inherently difficult to park, they were small cars.  One of them is a Prius!  Seriously, if your shit can't get a Prius between the white lines, I'm certain that you are far too stupid to be driving a car.  

Please know that I still very much love my little apartment and my new city life.  I just like my apartment more from the inside than I do when surrounded by the ill-behaving children that live around me.   I haven't begun yelling at these overly entitled list dickwads when they violate one of my rules, but I can't say that I will be able to refrain forever.  It will be adventure for all of us when I do!  ...more to come!

Until next time...

XOXO

R

PS - I added a few more items to my to do list and I knocked one of them off already.  On Thursday I walked to the opposite end of 16th Street and my friend Katie downtown for lunch, after lunch she badged me up to the 40th floor in the Republic Plaza building, to show me the most amazing view of the city.  It was AWESOME!  

PPS - Katie is fun and adorable, but she also makes the most amazing Minestrone soup I've ever had in my life.  Seriously, it was mind-blowingly good!  You should all get to know Katie, if for no other reason than to bribe her into making you soup.  Love you Katie, XOXO!

It's not easy being dead?

Hello my darlings,

It's been a little while since I ranted to you about death and dying, but now that the house is sold and I'm settled in my new apartment I am once again dealing with the estate paperwork to get all of the accounts settled and monies transferred.  Rather than being a big girl and dealing with this stuff on my own I decided I drag you all into the nonsense of being dead.  

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that this story begins with Verizon.  You've all heard the tales of death certificates that were required, then weren't required and account transfers that were done, but weren't done correctly and of course, the woes of the old people phone and Captain Chaos.  Finally, I think the account is in my name and setup correctly, I think, because I cannot actually login to verify that.  The account is correct, but the myverizon.com site is still registered to Ray.  WTF!  Apparently, since they transferred the phone account to me there is something else that has to be done in the online portal, but since I don't know Ray's login no one at Verizon can figure out how to change that.  Furthermore, these asshats have it on record that Ray is deceased, but still for some reason the credit refund check for his phone that I returned once I finally had the death certificate, that I didn't actually need, was sent to Ray Constable, not the Estate of Ray Constable.  Nope they don't issue it to the Estate which I now own, they issue a check to the dead guy.  GAH!  Now, please understand we are not talking about a lot of money here, but when I called to inquire about having the $62 check reissued I was informed that it would cost me $20 for them to reissue the check.  Oh no they din't!   It's probably not too difficult to imagine the animated conversation that I had about me paying Verizon to reissue a check that they did wrong, because, as I not so kindly informed the hapless moron on the phone, "dead guys can't actually write their names to endorse a check!"  She informed me that the policy says.... SIDEBAR: I just interviewed for a role at an oil and gas company to help create and manage ITSM processes.  I like process, I get the value in process, but are you f*ing kidding me your people are so stupid that they can't acknowledge that issuing a check to a dead guy is actually kind of a colossal f*up and that under no circumstance should the caller be informed that she will have to pay to have Verizon fix the mistake!   In the end the whole thing silly and frustrating and ridiculous, but luckily I was able to take the $62 check into First Tech Credit Union, explain the story and they turned a blind eye and allowed me to deposit that whole sixty-two dollars into the estate account.  I've decided that attempting to deal with Verizon over the phone is too painful an experience, so I am going to go into a Verizon store later today to see if maybe, by some miracle, I can find someone with half-a-brain to help me get the account fully transferred from my dead husband's name into mine.   If not, I'm sure I'll be ranting again soon when my phone gets disconnected because I can't pay the bill.  I have money to pay the bill, I've attempted to pay the bill, but because Verizon can't figure out how to terminate Ray's old online account, so I can create a new online account, I can't actually pay the bill!  I HATE VERIZON!

I think I whined in a recent coffee that our marital status is being challenged by Fidelity.  This challenge means they are not giving me his 401K, even though I am listed as the sole beneficiary, and they are not paying out his pension.    I think you all know this story, but Ray was the world's most committed committiphobe.  We were together for 18-years.  I referred to him as my husband, among other things; he referred to me as his wife, also among other things, but we were never actually married.  All of the paperwork that he completed says married, the death certificate says married, the account transfer paperwork that I completed says Common Law, because I don't have a marriage license to prove married.  When I got the call about this "discrepancy" I immediately pulled up the Colorado Common Law statute to assure her that Common Law is an officially recognized marital status in Colorado and that we did meet the criteria.  Fidelity cannot accept emails, so I gathered the documentation (9-pages) to support the statute, walked to a nearby FedEx Kinkos location and had the paperwork faxed to Fidelity.  The account manager said that Cigna was raising the same concern, but that she could pass along the supporting documentation to them.  Within a week, I had confirmation from Cigna that my claim was approved and the life insurance payout was complete.  (FWIW I have the account details to confirm the Cigna life insurance payout is actually done) YAY!  I also received a call about Ray's HSA and brokerage accounts, also with Fidelity, those are approved and are being transferred to me, but the 401K and pension are still in limbo while they work to internally resolve the marital status dispute.  F*mylife!  

I know this could all be so much worse.  I know it's only been four months and these things take time.  I also know that there are a number of grieving widows that are barely even able to function at this point in time, so I really should quit whining about my ridiculous problems and appreciate that Ray left me in a very good position financially even if these payouts never happen, but I won't.  This is where that rabid-dog tendency that is so completely unattractive in most situations is going to help me get this resolved.  It may also end up with several people in tears, myself included, but I will get this done.  

Until next time...

XOXO