Why I'm Not Terrible a Poem(ish)
Hello my lovelies,
Geez, it's been a while since I inflicted my nonsense upon all of you. Consider yourselves warned I think that dry streak may be coming to an end. I still love my job, BUT I am certainly feeling the frustration and some days absolute exhaustion of my job as well. I guess in summary I have to say that I LOVE my job because I'm client facing and i HATE my job because I'm client facing.
I have 12 active projects and I'm engaged in a number of pre-sales opportunities, so my days are busy and no two days are ever the same. I truly love the client facing part of my job, mostly because I am the leader of my projects so people pretty much do what I say. On top of that most of my clients are pretty cool people. There are a couple that I adore and would do just about anything for, the majority of my clients are frequently a pain in the ass, but not terrible, so I like them, at least most of the time, but there is one client that is the bane of my existence.
This week has been a particularly eventful week (FWIW "eventful" is a lot like "interesting" which means really not good) and my fussy customer has taken every possible opportunity to beat on me for everything that has gone wrong and it feels like there are days when they even go to lengths to criticize the few things that went right. Anyway, after four contentious days of this nightmare I was feeling a little beaten down, to boost my ego I decided to practice a little self-love. Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm not talking about the the battery-powered kind of self-love; I'm talking about the positive self-talk (ala Jack Handy) kind of self-love. Anyway, my self-love today was a happy little poem, of sorts, about why I am not completely terrible.
Why Ronda is not Completely Terrible, a poem (HA!)
by Ronda
Someday's when you feel down and blue it's nice to have something to remind you why it's OK to be you. (OK, seriously, that's about as poetic as this shit's gonna get, I mean really how many words to you know that rhyme with "truck" Ohhhh oohhhhh, pick me I have one....)
Here's my summation of why I'm not completely, probably mostly, but not completely, terrible. One thing that makes me not terrible is teeth. I have them! OK, so a few of them are crowns, so those are sort of like fakers, and I've had three root canals, so I guess technically I don't really own the land, so to speak, that those are sitting on. But I do have all of my teeth and they are actually pretty nice teeth. They could be a little whiter, but you all know how much I love coffee and red wine, so clearly that's not happening. I also realize that none of you know my toothless idiot siblings, but having a full set of teeth in my head at age 45 makes me a bit of an anomaly in my family. I refuse to say FREAK because I got a long line of siblings vying for that title!
Another thing that makes me not terrible is my big brain. I once had a coworker that after a series of very frustrating phone calls, quipped that she "hoped that girl is hot because she is dumb as a box of rocks." No one has ever accused me of being "dumb as box of rocks." They probably DID say that I was a mouthy, sarcastic, pain-in-the-ass, but definitely not that I am dumb. OK, so writing this I realize now, that maybe this IS why I am terrible. Hmmmm, who knew! Full disclosure, no one has ever accused me of being "hot" either. Thank GOD for that big brain!
I'm not sure that the not terrible thing of having teeth actually balances the terribleness of the attitude that spews forth from my pie hole, so I probably better figure out a few more things that makes me not completely terrible.
Sooooo, let's go with cooking. This bitch can cook! I love cooking and I greatly enjoy sharing meals with friends, so I think that totally adds another tick in the Not Terrible column.
How about creative linguistic skills? That makes me kind of not terrible, right? I mean who else do you know can eloquently describe douchehound shenanigans as assclowns engaging in general asshattery. That's an impressive skill, right. Hmmm, the fact that I make up words AND call people assclowns might tip the scale in the favor of Terrible.
Damn! This might be the most terrible poem about being not terrible ever crafted.
Well, while we are all here let me see what else I can figure out that makes me Not COMPLETELY Terrible. Here's one SHOES! I have an amazing collection of fun, funky and sassy, yet very comfortable shoes. TOTALLY Not Terrible! BOOM!
While were talking about fashion I think I have a pretty decent sense of style. Most importantly I know how to dress for my body type -- FYI there is another coffee just around the corner about all of those idiots on the train that aren't quite as fortunate. Looking good and having a sense of style is a good thing, so yea, chalking that one up to Not Terrible as well. Except, for the fact that I am jackass about all of the fashion faux pas of those around me, so that probably moves the needle back to the side of Terrible.
OK, so how about funny. I'm pretty funny! I love to laugh and have a good time, though thinking about it I am a sarcastic asshole and I frequently make jokes about idiocy of the poor unsuspecting fools around me, so that probably lends itself to Terrible.
Aw hell, this whole self-love nonsense is crap. Maybe I should just focus on the battery-operated kind of self-love. At least that's rewarding!
Until next time...
XOXO
PS - ComicCon is coming to town this weekend. You all know how much I love (HATE, I F*ing HATE THAT CRAP) costumes.
PPS - I'm going to be at the Performing Arts Center which is right next door to the Convention Center where the Comic Con dorks will be hanging out. I can smell that coffee brewing now....