Peeves and Pets -- OK, mostly just peeves...
Hello my lovelies,
It's the end of a long week. After nearly six months out of the corporate world, (though to be fair, I did accomplish one hell of a lot during those six months) working full time again is a lot harder than I remember it being. By Friday afternoon I am mentally and physically exhausted. Lucky for all of you I have a few little nuisances in my world and you all know how I love ranting about things that piss me off. Here are just a few of the things in the last couple weeks that have irritated, annoyed, frustrated or generally made me roll my eyes and declare "what the hell..."
- Saying "Sorry" where "excuse me" is the appropriate response. You don't have to be sorry that you were walking into the bathroom at the same time as me. Just say excuse me and keep moving.
- Not saying "excuse me" when you've clearly invaded my personal space. This is directed to the jackwad wearing shorts and grampa loafers on light rail that smacked me in the face when he flung his backpack over his shoulder. Seriously, he had to feel that backpack hit me, but the asshat didn't even stop to look back. Oh well, I know in the end he's going to get his, or more likely not... (wink wink) The shoes he was wearing were hideous! Apparently, on casual Friday at his company people are allowed to wear shorts. UGH, that's a terrible idea based on so many of my fashion rules, but fine whatever, I don't work there, so that's not my problem. However, if are going to wear shorts you need to get some appropriate footwear to pair with shorts. You could get some Vans, maybe a Converse, even a more sporty looking Keen shoe would possibly work. There are any number of manufacturers that make shoes that work well with shorts and are still office appropriate. This assclown's footwear looked like he mugged a damn senior citizen on his way to the train. Pfft - good luck with the ladies at the bar tonight in those shoes. He's sooooo going home alone!
- While on the subject, it's important to state that Casual Friday, does NOT mean dress like a pig day! You all know how fussy I am about how people dress in general. Well, I can tell you that I am truly appalled at some of the crap that people wear to the office. My office has a fairly casual dress casual dress code, jeans aren't specifically allowed, but a lot of people wear them fairly regularly and no one says much. Somehow even with that relaxed standard people are under the impression that the jeans and t-shirt that you might typically wear to mow the lawn is perfectly appropriate in the office on Friday. Today, there was a woman in my office wearing very tight jeans and a very small tank top, covering (barely) her not small mid-section. If that wasn't enough, this fashion genius paired the ensemble with dirty, grungy high-top tennis shoes and hot pink socks. The ill-fitting clothes and hideous shoes were bad enough, then I realized that the front of the tank top read "THIS IS MY GYM BODY!" WTF? I don't know what that means. I am not faulting a girl for having a whole lot of junk in the trunk and plenty of fluff in the middle, but that body wearing that T-shirt in that size? My first thought was, "uh, right, cause you only have ONE body, dumbass." My second thought was, "oh lord, that gym hates you for representing their shit this way..." I really think maybe I should start a mobile fashion service. It will be like a boutique truck meets What Not To Wear, meets Fashion Police. I will just drag these hideous women in, hold them captive until they put on some decent fitting clothes and appropriate, yet adorable, footwear, then I will release them back into public. SIDENOTE: I officially have groupies at my office. There is a group of three women that come by my desk every day to see what I'm wearing and what fabulous shoes I have on, because they love how I dress. Ha! How's that for street cred!
- Uttering the words "Good, good, good" in response to every answered question. The guy that sits over the wall from me is an application developer that's been at the company 20+ years. People come to him fairly frequently and pretty much any time he answers a question even remotely satisfactorily he says, "OK then, good, good, good!" It sounds like "OooooK then (long pause) good. good. good." I am seriously concerned that my eye sockets may sustain permanent damage from rolling my eyes every, f*ing time I hear him say it. Wait! Do you think that would qualify for workmans comp? Flo, as my favorite attorney of all time and with some of the stories you've shared, I think this might be pretty darn legit! Right! Right? Maybe? OK, probably not....
- Really loud whispering. Full disclosure - the really loud whisperer that is annoying me this week recently had surgery on her vocal cords, so she doesn't have any other option, I mean except, you know, writing... I sooooooo wish she would take up writing, or, you know, SHUT THE F UP!
- Whistling! I HATE THAT SOUND! Enough said!
- Applying makeup on the train or in the car. Now ladies reapplying lipstick or checking your makeup before you walk in some place is totally acceptable. Busting out a full makeup bag and applying foundation and blush and concealer and eye-shadow and eye-liner and mascara and lipstick is ridiculous. The train is not your bathroom, bitch! Full disclosure, this woman started this whole daily makeup routine by curling her eyelashes with a spoon on a moving train. Seriously, she puts a kitchen spoon between her lashes and her finger and curls her lashes, sort of. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen and the fact that she's doing it on a moving train is completely wackado in my book. I don't even use an eyelash curler because just the act of moving that contraption toward my eye terrifies me when I'm standing still. To attempt to do something like that in a moving vehicle.... Hmmm, maybe she wants to be a Pirate when she grows up.
I think the Fidelity nonsense is finally nearing an end. I received an email earlier this week from Survivor Services stating that they have completed the transfer of benefits to me and an account has been established under my social security number. Sadly, the email is addressed to Rhonda..... MotherF*er if they finally got this shit done only to create the account with my name spelled wrong......... I continue to check my mail every day to see what name is on the new account they've created. More to come......
Until next time,
XOXO
PS - This afternoon I encountered Ms. Shay's doppelganger! OK, maybe not doppelganger, because the new Shay is much smaller, but she is a black woman with a Southern drawl, and she does have very bleached hair and she was wearing a bright yellow shirt, yellow shoes, yellow eye-shadow and yellow lipstick. Furthermore, she was sporting the trademark bluetooth headset around her neck just like Ms. Shay always wore. I met her because I walked in the breakroom I heard her say something, but didn't understand what she said, so I politely inquired "excuse me?" (not SORRY) to which she replied, "Yeah, hold on a sec, someone axed me sumthin...." I almost asked her right then and there if she wanted to go get some "Popeye's cheeckun"