A magical ride.....truly magical
Hello my darlings,
Today, June 1, is the official start of my 500 mile - month-long bicycle adventure. To date I've logged 21 miles well, really since 4:50 this morning I've logged 21 miles, but I feel great, so I may do another ride tonight.
I got a call on Monday (it was an unknown number which I normally ignore, but for some crazy reason I decided to answer my phone) from my sponsor Betsy! OK, that's not actually her title, but that's a lot funnier than calling her my "personal coach" which is how she's labeled herself. Betsy's role is to provide me motivation and encouragement for my upcoming ride and to remind me daily via email or voicemail (I'm screening her calls now) to post updates to Facebook. (insert eye-roll here) Betsy is a very perky woman! Betsy says "That's Super!" and "I know you are going to ROCK IT" a lot. I know she has the best of intentions, but Bets may soon realize that I am just not a rah-rah kinda gal.
In her infinite wisdom, Betsy suggested that I calculate how many miles I would need to ride each day, so I can formulate a strategy around how I can achieve it. Yeah, thank you Captain Obvious for that worthless bit of advice. I calculated how many miles I was going to need to ride the morning after I signed up. Did I mention there may have been (absolutely was!) wine and an iPad involved in the decision to signup for 500 damn miles? She also suggested that I keep in mind the old adage of "how do you eat an elephant?" My outside voice said nothing, while my inside voice said this. Uhhhmmmm, yeah Bets (that's what I call her now since we are old pals) I'm not really an elephant fan, it's a little to chewy for my taste, but I guess if I have to eat elephant I'd suggest maybe barbecued and served with coleslaw, baked beans and a nice cornbread muffin on the side. Oh, and beer! Definitely beer with elephant - wine and elephant just would not work together.
At this point in our very one-sided (and surprisingly NOT ME talking) I think Betsy was sensing that I wasn't feeling the whole pepping cheerleader vibe, so she switched tactics to appeal more to my, uh, well, my..... Oh hell I don't even have words to imagine what side of me this woman thought she was going to appeal to, but she said still perky voice that 500 miles is a lot and I am "going to love what this does to my butt!" WTF? Does this woman have cameras in my house? How does she know that need to work on my butt? What makes her qualified to even assume that there is anything fat (there is) or flabby (oh no she din't) about my butt? Bitch!
Sadly, that actually IS probably the most appealing thing she could have suggested. Vanity rules!
Based on the suggestion from sweet little Ms. Betsy I think I will from now on refer to June 2016 as Ronda's Magical Butt Ride! Who wants to ride my butt?!?!?!?!?!? All aboard!
Until next time.....
XOXO
PS - I've wanted a cruiser bike for along time and last Saturday we happened to stop by a brewery that was next door to a bicycle shop, so while Ray drank beers, I bought this gem.... then I drank beers. Buy first - then drink! So much more economical that way.....errrr, well, that's actually not true in this case, but the bike is ridiculously cute!!!!!